.family comparisons.

Growing up, both my husband and I spent our time playing sports and doing all things active. When I think on childhood and what a "good" childhood looks like, I have always imagined sports as a huge part of that. I couldn't really imagine it any other way.

When we first learned about Joubert Syndrome and how that would affect our boys' future, one of the hardest parts for us to come to terms with was the fact that they may never be able to participate in organized sports.

And honestly, that was really hard! I always imagined being the soccer mom, with the minivan, and bringing snacks out at halftime. That's the kind of mom I wanted to be and couldn't wait!!

But those dreams got sidelined when we learned the boys would struggle so greatly with physical things. It wasn't that I wanted my kids to be the superstar or was banking on a college scholarship, but I wanted them to be a part of a team...to learn those life lessons and learn the good and tough lessons that can be taught through sports.

And as time has gone on, I've grieved the fact that my friends get to sign their kids up for sports, and their weekends are filled with games and practices and the comradery that goes with that. But I've also come to terms with the fact that our life looks different and that's okay.

I read the above quote in the book Love Lives Here by Maria Goff and it spoke so deeply to my heart. I think its so important that we focus on what makes us the best versions of ourselves.

Sports might not be the thing that makes our family the best versions of ourselves, and that's okay! It doesn't make one family better than the other, it just means we all need to find what works for us. To go be OUR family and not someone else's.

I can't wait to continue to work on this and continue to find the things that light us up. That are the move loving, hopeful versions of our family.

.blogging dilemma.

I started this blog as a newlywed living in a new city as a way to keep friends and family updated on our new life together. Then as we walked through Parker's diagnosis and then Lane's as well, it became an outlet for me to process through this huge life change and share our story. Then as life got busier and we added Elyse to our family, writing and sharing has taken a back seat.

I've started so many blog posts but never finished them, and thought long and hard about if I should just delete this and be done or if I should try and revive the blog and continue sharing. The only thing that has kept me from deleting it, is that I still receive a few emails a week from newly diagnosed families, dealing with Joubert Syndrome, and they stumbled upon my blog through a google search. That they've found hope through what I've shared about our journey and reach out for the connection that seems so lost when you start on this journey. That alone is enough to keep me going.

Blogging has changed so much since when I first started, and while most blogs are more professional and definitely more beautiful, I've had a hard time following blogs anymore. And am still trying to decide if this is the avenue that I want to share our story.

Just like most social media accounts, blogging has lost a lot of its authenticity to me. All the pictures are posed, with a professional photographer, with perfect lighting. Images only show a portion of a room or space that is styled and perfect. And every blog is linked to products and advertisements so that there is always some type of sales involved.

Now don't get me wrong, I love beautiful images as much as the next person, and I completely understand wanting to make money while sharing your talent!! I think blogging is a wonderful job with amazing flexibility, I just wish here was more transparency, authenticity, and vulnerability. And each blog serves a different purpose, some are just for beautiful images, some decorating, beauty, lifestyle, crafting, etc. But I used to love to read and learn peoples stories and journeys, and as things have gotten more "professional", the stories and journeys seem to have shifted to items and products. I have a lot of friends who blog and I think they are amazing and incredible talented and their content fits their desired target market.

But I always seem to want to get to know the writer, the author of the blog. Find out why they are passionate about what they are doing, how they got to where they are, and what their "why" is. And maybe that's why I should continue blogging...to bring a bit of those things back to the blogosphere and share the hot mess of our lives, no filters involved. Because I feel like our world needs more of that. Needs more REAL...instead of perfectly styled and presentable.

Maybe its the fact that no matter how filtered I want to make our lives, there is always reality that things are hard and messy and that this journey we are on cannot be masked. That its hard and heartbreaking yet joyful and rewarding and everything in between. And I can't really hide behind the images. Or maybe its the conviction I feel God has placed on my heart to share our story no matter how difficult it may be for me.

And maybe people can relate to that and

our journey is worth sharing. I don't know exactly.

But what I do know is that the people I have connected with and met through this blog has been amazing and worth it all. And bringing hope to others walking through a new diagnosis, or processing through life when something unexpected comes is priceless.

So who knows where this next phase of the blog and our journey will take us, but one thing I want to be sure to continue is to be real and transparent regardless of the avenue we choose to share. Because without vulnerability, its really just words, and I want people to connect and feel beyond the words on a screen.