.therapy.

Parker's therapy sessions and I have a love/hate relationship.

On one hand, I LOVE to watch him learn and grown and see the progress he is making.

On the other hand, it is heartwrenching to watch your child sit through therapy sessions to help him do basic tasks that come so easily for other kids.

I remember early on in one of Parker's physical therapy sessions where he was learning to roll. He was trying so incredibly hard to roll over and just could not coordinate the strength and the muscles to do it. I remember looking up at Nick and he had tears in his eyes and then he just got up and left the room. I had no idea why at the time, but afterwards we talked and he said he just couldn't do it. He just couldn't watch Parker struggle to do very basic things.

He said "I left the room and went and had a very frank talk with God. Why does my son have to struggle so much to even just roll over. I just want to fix it and make it better for him. It's so hard for me to watch him struggle."

And I know exactly what he means.

But I think this is why God created men and women differently. I like to be a part of the process and watch it unfold, and as a result, I have primarily taken on the task of taking Parker to all of his therapy appointments.

Being a woman, its not so much that its hard that I cannot "fix" it, but its very emotional for me to think of what the future could look like for him.

For me, it helps me cope with the reality of the diagnosis if I know how to properly help Parker grow and develop.

Nick is there to be the emotional support for me, the provider for our family, and be the sounding board for all of the different scenarios and situations with Parker. And I am the emotional support for Parker, the physical presence at the appointments, and the teacher of everything we learn.

And I love the way that it works and that we compliment each other as parents. We have each taken to the specific roles that we are strong in, and we are able to be a team for Parker and provide him the best care possible.

Standing at the train table working on his stamina

Parker's early intervention providers {Kindering} have the month of August off and it is a welcome change to have a month to not worry about any therapy appointments at all! We just started up again a few weeks ago and it has been a whirlwind.

We currently have speech  and physical therapy once a week for an hour each, then a co-op class at the Kindering center once a week for an hour and a half, and then we are starting up a new therapy called Anat Baniel method shortly after the baby comes.

Its a constant juggling act with taking him to and from daycare, dr appts, work and therapy, but he has been making so much progress lately that it makes it so worth it.

Coloring {when he's not trying to eat the crayons} to work on his fine motor skills

His language is really starting to improve and he is starting to communicate with us through signing, small words, and imitation. We are learning all the animal sounds, basic needs {milk, water, food, more, etc.}, words that mean actions {dance, clap, touch your toes, etc.}, and many others. He surprises me everyday with the new sounds and words he is forming. Its so fun to see his brain making all the connections. And he seriously understands so much! So eventhough he may not be able to communicate back to us, he definitley is very aware of his surroundings and what is going on.

For physical therapy we are working on crawling, walking, standing, etc. His fine motor skills have improved drastically and he is really getting good and feeding himself with utensils, playing with activating toys, coordinating movements, etc. He is so close to crawling that I know it is going to happen anyday! He has his own little "scoot" that he does to get himself around and if he wants something he will find a way to get there. He is standing for long periods of time and very sturdy when he is standing so its fun to watch him stand and play with toys at a train table or the couch. For walking, we are still a ways away from that, but we are working on it.

First day of "school". The open house when we got to go meet the co-op teacher and his classmates

This week we were able to put him on a kiddie treadmill at Kindering with him in a harness so that he wasn't totally bearing all the weight on his legs and it allowed him to learn to take steps forward and learn that motion. So fun to see him at a place where this is the next step for him.

Working it out on the treadmill. Stud.

The co-op class has been so much fun so far and Parker LOVES it. It is basically a pre-school type setting that I am able to come participate in with him. They do free-play at the beginning, then an art project, then some sensory platy, circle time, motor room {like recess}, snack, and then its time to go. They do all the normal things but will adapt it to each kids abilities and the teachers are great. Parker smiles the entire time and I love watching him experience things!

It's been about a year and a half since we have been receiving services for Parker and I am so thankful for the amazing resources that we have right at our fingertips.

Sometimes I can barely bring myself to go to the appointments as they are both emotionally and physically draining, but it helps me learn and I love being able to teach Parker during the times that the therapists aren't there.

This kid has determination and fight in him and I know that he will go far and those little milestones that we continue to see are what keeps me going and keeps me fighting. The progress has been slow and steady and there are times I want to scream and cry and fix it all for him...but then the very next week he will do something incredible, something doctors said he would never do, and I can't help but smile through the tears.

Just last night he was playing in the family room while Nick & I were eating dinner and he moved all over the family room and got to each individual toy he was wanting without our assistance. He scooted, rolled, crawled, etc to get to all corners of the room and play with what he wanted.



Playing at the sensory table.



We just sat there in awe and were grinning from ear to ear.

He's getting there, he's doing it.

And that shared accomplishment for Parker that Nick and I saw makes us the most proud parents in the world.

There is hope. Parker is amazing.

.to make a life.

I met Julia my freshman year at Biola University. Her and my roomate Erin spent their childhood together in Northern California, and although Erin's family had since moved to Minnesota, they had remained close friends and were so excited to be living near each other again in Southern California.

I remember meeting Julia and feeling like I had known her forever. She was warm and inviting, beautiful, tall, and so easy to talk to. She was a year older than us, was dating a basketball player, studying to be a nurse, and helped Erin and I survive our first few weeks of the transition to college. Although she went to a different college about 30 minutes away, it was always nice to see her and get a chance to chat.

Over the years of living with Erin, I saw Julia every now and then and Erin would give me updates on her and her husband and what they were up to. It was always so fun to hear what God was up to in their lives and although I knew very little about their struggle with infertility, I was so excited to hear about their plans to adopt a baby from Ethiopia, and then even more estatic when I found out they were expecting naturally.

I was pregnant with Parker at the time I found out Julia and Dan were expecting as well and I remember grinning from ear to ear thinking about what they were starting to experience. Staring at my round belly, knowing that they were only a few months behind me and would soon begin to feel the flutters and kicks of their little miracle.

I was on maternity leave when I got the call.

Erin called me and was hysterical. I could barely make out what she was saying. All I could hear on the other end was deep, heart wrenching sobs.

My stomach immediately dropped and I couldn't even begin to imagine what was going on. All I knew was that it was not good.

I just started to pray...asking God to prepare me for whatever I was about to hear.

Then she finally got the words out....

Julia.....They....Lost. The. Baby.

What? I couldn't even process what she had said. It was the very end of August...wasn't she only a few weeks away from giving birth? Could this even happen?

Erin had received the news from some of Julia's family members and had very little information, but the one thing she did know was that their worst nightmare was coming true.

After Erin and I got off the phone, I remember pulling over, taking Parker out of his carseat and just hugging him. Rocking him and thanking God over and over for the miracle that was in my hands. Why would God take their baby, but allow me to have mine? I had so many questions and thought swirling in my head, but I knew they were questions I couldn't answer and so I sat there on the side of the road and cried and prayed for Julia & Dan.

Ironically enough, I didn't know it at the time, but I would end up being able to relate to their story much more than I ever thought possible.

Never can I even begin to fathom the pain and devastation of losing a child.

But, I can relate to the death of a dream. The unexpected circumstances that arise. The worries, concerns, questions, doubts that came for me in the form of Parker's diagnosis with Joubert Syndrome.

This past September 1st marked 2 years since Emma Jo Walser ran into the arms of Jesus. And to continue on her legacy, Dan has written a book called To Make A Life.

This book is an honest, open, raw, and intimate look at their story.



I invite you to pick up a copy of this book and allow their story to change you. To allow Emma Jo's life to transform your way of thinking and find the beauty that is made out of the broken.

We love you Julia & Dan and are so proud of what you are doing. We are constantly praying for you and know that your story is close to our hearts!!