.four years.

In a few days it will be our fourth wedding anniversary. 

Four Years. 

We're doing good, baby! 

It seems so crazy that four years has gone by since our wedding day. So much life has been lived in that time. 

And despite everything we've gone through, it's been... 

Easy. 

Life with Nick is easy. Because we have each other. 

It doesn't seem like we have to try really hard to make our relationship work, or to communicate, or to meet each others needs. 

 It just happens. We just work. 

 And we work well. 

 Thank you Jesus! 

 When we first got married, we decided to move to Seattle to live in a city where it was just the two of us, where we were on an adventure. Just you and me. 

 And it has been an adventure! Starting our careers, buying our first home, having our first baby. 

 But along with all that has come a lot of heart ache. 

 Being away from family, starting fresh with friendships, navigating our way through corporate America, mortgage payments, student loans, Parker's diagnosis of Joubert Syndrome, the journey of parenthood, navigating our way through life with a special needs child, daycare, tax seasons, and so on..... 

 And even through the tears of life, Nick and I turn those tears of sadness to tears of joy knowing that there is no one else we would want to go through these things with than each other.

 And it's true.

 No matter what, I want Nick as my husband, my partner, my best friend, my rock to walk through life with. 

 He has loved me despite my flaws, despite all of our circumstances, and shown me what unconditional love is. That we can battle this crazy life... Together. 

 I am so thankful for the past four years, for our relationships, for the Lord blessing us so deeply, for the beautiful life of Parker we created together, and for the crazy deep love we have for each other. 

 They say that what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. And I can definitley say that because of the adversity of the circumstances in our lives over the past few years we are only stronger. 

That our love is deeper. 

And that God-willing, we have many many many more anniversaries to celebrate this crazy beautiful life together! 

 I love you Nicholas. 

 Happy Anniversary!

.motherhood.

After having a baby, one of the questions I get asked a lot is:

"How has motherhood changed you?"

I find it hard to answer that question. How hasn't motherhood changed me? It has been the single most transforming thing in my life, and I would say all of the changes have been for the better.

But I was thinking about it the other day, how really has it changed me? And where do I see the most transformation?

And I finally put my finger on it....

Confidence.

I feel like finally, I really know who I am, what I want, and who I want to become.

Parker has done that for me. He has given me perspective and given me confidence. Confidence in everything, from the most trivial things to the core foundation of who I am.

Sure, I have days where I struggle with who I am, what I look like, what I am doing.

But then I get a glimpse.

Perspective.

As difficult as Parker's condition has been on us, it really has made me content.

Sure my post-baby body doesn't look like it did before.

I am a little softer where there used to be muscles,

I'm not the runner I was before,

and I don't have the time to spend on myself.

But it's not about me anymore. It's about Parker and Nick and making sure my family is taken care of.

And I think that's healthy.

I am confident that God gave me Parker and that I am doing the best I can with what I have been given. I am supremely confident in that.

I don't look at things through the same lens anymore. I don't compare where I used to, and I don't allow myself to feel inferior anymore.

Because, really, it doesn't matter.

Having a child will do that to you, but I think that having a child with special needs with do that even more.

Having to sit in doctor appointment after doctor appointment where they tell you what is wrong with your child. Or sitting in physical therapy where your child struggles to even sit up, will put things in perspective real fast and make you appreciate even the simplest things.

Suddenly worrying about those few extra pounds or having the best clothes don't matter. Because making sure Parker walks is a whole lot more important.

And that's something I needed. I needed this healthy does of reality and I find it so comforting to wake up knowing that I am confident in being who I am, who God made me.

And that's pretty special. And for this perspective I am abundantly thankful. 

It's been painful, no doubt about that. But I also realize that not everyone get's this viewpoint. 

It's taken years to get to this point, but God has been shaping me forming me into who He wants me to be, and I am finally getting a glimpse of what that is!

There is still a long way to go, but I think this realization helps make me a better mom,

a better wife,

and a better follower of Jesus.