.therapy.

We are no strangers to therapy in our household. 

In fact, I spend a minimum of 3 days a week at a therapy clinic with the boys and could easily increase it to 5. 

At this point in their development, therapy is absolutely necessary and the more we can get, the better chance they get at having independence and reaching their full potential.

And while I don't necessarily need therapy to help me walk or talk, walking this unexpected journey leaves me needing therapy of my own.

Therapy of the Heart. Soul. Mind.

I was thinking the other day about what my "outlet" is. How I cope with all of this I am dealing with. 

At first I didn't have an answer. I don't have a huge hobby or talent that I immediately turn to when things get tough. 

I know there's a lot of things I would like to be an outlet for me (pure barre, pedicures, shopping, traveling, real counseling, etc) but to be quite frank, all of our money goes to medical expenses and any extra hobbies or extracurriculars just aren't possible right now.

And that's okay. 

And I'm really okay with that because I see how much the boys are thriving where they are at and I can't imagine it being any other way. My "sacrifices" seem so so minor in comparison to the life changing skills my boys are developing.

But I do know I need to take care of myself. Because if I'm not healthy, in all areas of my life, then I am not able to effectively take care of my family. 

But the more I feel myself not being able to "do it all on my own" or notice my need for help, my pride gets in the way.

I get stubborn and try even harder to do it all.

To not ask for help.

To do more, even though I shouldn't. 

To pull back from relationships and internalize everything.

And then I get to my breaking point.

And that's when i know I need to have some therapy of my own. 

While I originally couldn't figure out what my "outlet" was...I realized I was overthinking it.

There are a lot of little things that help do therapy on my heart, soul and mind.

Creating-whether it's a simple craft or a big project, I love to create. I'm not the most talented crafter or most creative, but I love starting from nothing and ending with a finished product. Just getting on the computer and playing around in photoshop for a few hours or going to hobby lobby and roaming the aisles helps to heal me.

Running-this is a tough one for me because running truly is one of the biggest healing processes for me...BUT...can also become too competitive for me and I lose my ability to heal through it. What I love about running is that it pushes you. You have to use your whole body to complete the task and it's usually just you, the pavement, and God. Lots of time to think through things, pray through things, and gain perspective. I do have to remind myself that even if my time or distance isn't record speed or length, the process of getting out there, pushing myself, and getting that alone time is sufficient.

Writing/Blogging- I've said it before, but this blog has honestly helped me heal. It's allowed me to be vulnerable, to get my thoughts out, and to share. I've always loved to write, but time in not something I have in excess right now and I have a hard time finding a chunk of time to sit down and write out what I'm feeling. Usually it happens when I reach my breaking point, and what you get it so real and raw that I even surprise myself with what I'm sharing. But I can't tell you how therapeutic it is to write it out. To process it. To finally let the tears flow. And once I'm done writing, my heart feels mended. Like it's thanking me. 

These are simple and easy things for me to do, yet somehow I usually find myself getting to the breaking point before I will start to heal.

And good therapy helps to make things better. To prevent things before they start. And I'm trying to focus on that.

To recognize that I need my time to heal as well. It takes work to set aside the time. To go for a run. To let the tears fall.

But that's what makes it worth it. And just like I tell my boys everytime they go to therapy...

"What are you gonna do today at therapy?"

And with pure excitement in his voice Parker will respond with "WORK HARD!"

I need to adapt that same attitude that I will work hard to make sure I get my therapy too.