.pittsburgh.

I always find it hard to find the balance between doing things as if the boys were typically developing, but then also recognizing their needs and realizing that it is not the same as everyone else.

I find this tension in everyday situations but it is amplified when there are larger events or important situations. Our trip to Pittsburgh was no different.

Nick's younger brother Derek got married in Pittsburgh, PA a few weeks ago and so we made the trek out to beautiful Pennsylvania to be a part of it.

Shortly after Christa and Derek got engaged we started talking about the logistics of the wedding and all that it would entail to bring the boys across country. I quickly got overwhelmed at the thought of it, and then shortly after found out I was pregnant again. Perfect. So since Parker was in the wedding and Lane was not, my parents graciously offered to drive up to Washington and stay the week with Lane while we flew out to the wedding. This could not have been a bigger blessing!

Traveling across country is not easy with two small children in general, but add to the fact that both do not walk, have some sensory issues with big crowds, have to deal with a three hour time change, stay in an unfamiliar hotel room, be up at events late at night, and for me to be 7.5 months pregnant, was just going to be too difficult. I usually have the help of family around to help with the physical labor of the boys, but with everyone being in the wedding, I was going to be flying solo on this one.

So with many tears and worried thoughts, we left Lane in Washington with my parents and Parker, Nick and I flew to PA. The flights went great and Parker was a trooper on our travel day (thank God for the ipad!) and we finally made it at about 11:30 pm. 

The beginning of our travel day

Once we got to the airport and were waiting for the luggage, the cousins all ran around trying to get their energy out and Parker crawled around behind. I usually let Parker crawl around on the floors at airports and waiting rooms and places like that because he has to have a way to get his energy out. I get a lot of stares and dirty looks but I have learned to just ignore it and allow Parker to have fun in the best way he can. It would be one thing if he was content sitting in a stroller or wheelchair, but he absolutely wants to be out and moving around and his little body won't let him, so I let him do what he can.

The next day we didn't have any plans until that night so we spent the day recovering from our travel the day before. All of us grown ups were struggling way more than the kids!! Some of us ran errands, people took naps, and we just kind of got acquainted with the area. That night we went to Christa's parents house for a BBQ. It was a great night of food, meeting new people, playing lawn games and just hanging out before the wedding craziness. They were such gracious hosts!

Enjoying the attention from the bride and groom

Thursday I was able to sneak away for a few hours (kid free!) and go explore a bit of Pittsburgh. We went on the Duquesne Incline which had amazing views of the entire city and then drive around a bit and eat lunch at Primanti Bros. It was delicious and came with fries inside the sandwich!! 

View of Pittsburgh from the top of the incline

The girls at the top

The sandwich!

On Thursday afternoon and evening the big boys had Derek's bachelor party and so we took the kids to get their tuxes fitted and grab dinner on our own. The tux fitting was hilarious and I am glad that Parker was somewhat cooperative. The shirt was so big it looked like a dress on him, the pants were tailored into capris and came to his mid shins and everything else was just a little off. I was dying laughing because it was such a disaster. Luckily we were able to make all the necessary changes and get them fixed.

Parker's tux fitting :)

That night we hung out at the hotel and Parker decided he wanted to walk all over the place in his walker. Sometimes he just decides that's how he wants to get around and he did amazing! Was flirting with all the girls and walking all over the place. It was great to see him enjoying himself and not having any meltdowns or sensory issues.

Friday was rehearsal day and the big boys were gone almost all day, so we spent the morning at the park and then I tried to get Parker to nap so he would be rested for rehearsal and dinner. Parker had a really hard time with sleep on the trip and refused to take naps (which he definitely still needs) so that made for some *fun* moments. I'm not sure if it was the time change, the change of environment, the sensory overload or what, that caused him to refuse to sleep. 

Addy and Parker swinging at the park

At rehearsal Parker did a great job walking down the aisle in his walker and at rehearsal dinner did great too. He was busy as could be crawling around the venue (again he crawled all over the dirty floors and carpet) and walking in his walker and would just go up to people and start flirting and talking. It was a late night and we didn't get home until about 10:30. He fell asleep on the way back to the hotel and then was up for a few hours after before finally giving into sleep again.

On Saturday morning (the day of the wedding), Parker woke up in kind of a funk. He was grumpy and temperamental and very emotional. Not sure if it was the lack of sleep finally catching up to him or if he could sense the emotion and excitement of the day, but he was very hard to deal with. I was unable to get him to nap and it was about 95 degrees with like 80% humidity. I started to get a bit nervous and stressed about how he was going to do with a tux on and walking down the aisle in the state that he was in. He fell asleep in the car on the way to the venue and woke up a complete disaster. 

Pretty much how the entire day went!

Everything from getting him dressed in his tux, to trying to listen to instructions and take pictures was met with fits, screaming, hitting and crying. When it came time to walk down the aisle, I put Parker in his walker and his cousin Mason helped guide him and get him down the aisle. Derek was so sweet and gracious and came out half way down the aisle to encourage Parker to keep walking towards him. He made it all the way down but cried the entire way. I was sweaty and stressed and was trying not to make it a spectacle (since clearly the wedding was NOT about Parker), but everyone seemed to love it. All the people I talked to said they cried when they saw Parker walking and when Derek started walking towards him, they just lost it. I'm glad people enjoyed it and it wasn't a distraction because as a mom I was worried about it becoming a bigger deal than it needed to be. 

Parker Derek smiling with his namesake Uncle Derek

Mr handsome all dressed up

With all the groomsmen

After he made it down the aisle, I took Parker inside and we sat in the air conditioning and watched the ceremony from there. Parker then continued to cry and throw a fit for about the next 2 hours. Endless crying, screaming, thrashing, you name it. It was pretty much a worst case scenario. I was on the verge of tears the entire time and just trying my best to keep my patience and help Parker get control.

Flower girls and Ring bearers

After pictures, cocktail hour, and being announced into the reception, a babysitter showed up to help watch the kids during the reception. Parker got some food, was able to sit in the quiet room and play toys and watch shows and did awesome from then on out. He was perfectly behaved and even let me come in and out to check on him and bring them things without any type of fit when I would leave. 

The Dietzen ladies!

The reception was beautiful. Nick did an amazing job with his speech and had the entire place in tears. Derek and Christa were beaming and it was so obvious that their relationship was Christ centered and that it was truly a celebration. Christa looked absolutely STUNNING in her dress and the entire night was filled with lots of love, laughter and dancing!! We all had an incredible time and I am so glad we were able to enjoy it!

First dance (and the back of Christa's gorgeous dress!)

With the newlyweds!

Parker joined us for a few minutes on the dance floor :)

Sunday was a day of recovery and Monday morning we flew home. The flight home was uneventful and the kids did great again and I was finally able to hold my baby boy Lane in my arms again. While I missed him while we were gone, he was in such amazing hands with my parents and he loved every second of it!! He was spoiled with love and attention and I can't thank them enough. And Parker finally decided he wanted to sleep again and spent the next 3 days sleeping 12-14 hours at night and 3-4 hour naps...go figure!

Parker and Mason loved flying together and sitting next to each other

My parents with my boys before they left to head home :(

 I learned a lot on this trip, both good and bad....

1). Traveling with kids, ESPECIALLY kids with special needs is not for the faint of heart. Even though I only had one child to watch after, it was very emotionally and physically draining. Always being on edge waiting for the next tantrum or fit, trying to figure out what could be triggers that would set him off, carrying him all over (while 7.5 months pregnant), and dealing with all sorts of routine changes was hard. No other way to put it except for the fact that it is hard.

2). Having family around who love your children is never to be taken for granted. From my parents sacrificing their time and money to drive up and spend a week with Lane, to Nick's parents helping us get to Pittsburgh and helping when they could with Parker is the only way we were able to make this trip happen. We are SO so blessed that both of our families love our children and make sacrifices to help us out.

3). There really is so much good in the world and people really are kind. Everyone was so kind to us and so accepting of Parker the entire week that we were blown away. Bridesmaids and groomsmen we had never met, Christa's entire family, guests at the wedding- everyone was so willing to jump in and help and to make sure and tell us how much they loved Parker. It was almost embarrassing how much love and attention Parker got this week and people were so understanding when he would throw fits and were constantly reassuring us that it was okay. I couldn't have asked for kinder people to be surrounding us this week and God truly blessed us with everyone we met. 

4). Choosing your spouse is one of the most important decisions you will ever make! I know this one seems obvious but there were so many times over the week I was reminded of how amazing of a husband I have and how lucky I am to be his wife. From watching Derek and Christa's relationship develop and their focus on keeping God at the center, to their kindness towards us and Parker and wanting him to be involved in their special day, to looking back at the last (almost) 7 years of my marriage and how much Nick and I have grown together.....it really reminded me of how vital of a decision it is to choosing your spouse and that keeping God in the center of your marriage is so important.

5). That things are different for us and it's okay to process it and grieve those moments as they come.  As I said earlier, there is a fine line between pushing my kids to do things typically developing kids do and adapting things to their needs. Although people were so welcoming and understanding of Parker, it was still a major wake up call to us as to just how different our lives are with special needs. Everything requires some sort of adaptation and sometimes its painstakingly obvious to everyone. I had to allow myself time at the end of each day to pray about things, cry about things, and just accept that this is the way it is. It makes it easier to cope that way. 

We had such a wonderful time in Pittsburgh and could not be happier for Derek and Christa- THANK YOU for allowing us to be a part of your day and for really caring about us and including Parker. We are excited to see what God is going to do through your marriage and can't wait to stand along side you through it all!!

But in the meantime, I think we are gonna take the next few weeks to recover and not plan any cross country or international trips anytime soon :)