.nuggets of hope.

As I have mentioned before on the blog, sending Parker off to school this year was terrifying for me. I was filled with so much fear and anxiety of what this school experience would be like. 

As a mom, I am fiercely protective of my kids, especially with the boys special needs. I am always asking questions and involved in everything they are doing- I want to make sure that their needs are met and that their best interests are top priority. I think a big part of it is me feeling like I can still control their circumstances and protect them from any harm or hurt.

One of my major anxieties about Parker starting his new school was the fact that he is only one of three special needs kids in a class of twenty, and he is the only one with a physical disability/delay. The kids his age are starting to notice differences and I have a huge fear of Parker being bullied and excluded. Because he has a walker, cannot walk independently, and can't physically keep up with his peers- I lie awake at night sometimes with a pit in my stomach of the things kids will do or say to him.

I want to be there to guard his heart. 

To protect him.

To make sure his feelings don't get hurt and that he is accepted and loved.

But I know that I cannot do that. And I have to let go.

And the process of letting go and trusting that God has it under control is something I struggle with. 

And constantly surrendering these fears of any of my kids being hurt/bullied/excluded is an area of parenting that I need growth in. I just cannot bear the thought of any child being hurt.

This would be the case if I had typically developing children, but even more so since the boys have special needs and are "different" than most other children.

I literally pray every single day after Parker gets on the bus that the Lord would protect him and allow him to make friends and be accepted. Every. Single. Day.

Today we got a note sent home from school that brought me to tears.

The note read: 

"Anna-thought you'd like to know-Parker was playing on the grass with 4 other boys and they taught him how to roll (barrel) down the hill! He was also crawling on the grass a lot (thus the green knees)! He was having a blast!"

This was such a huge reminder to me that there really is good in the world and that God has my sweet little Parker in His hands. That He is protecting him and bringing nice kids into his life that include him and play with him.

And these are the things that might seem so minor to other people, but to us are HUGE! And we celebrate them and shed tears of joy!!

I know the future could hold some painful and tough times as Parker gets older and the differences become more noticeable, but little moments like what happened today give me so much hope that things will be okay!