.preparation.

I decided that I wanted my blog to be more "real"...to be more authentic and to speak my mind. I want this blog to be honest and raw and give you a little insight into what I am thinking, experiencing, celebrating and struggling with. So here's my first post with a little more vulnerability than I have shared before...

It's officially 30 days from the day little Parker is predicted to make his appearance into the world. I am anxiously awaiting his arrival and cannot believe that we are so close. Everyday as he is moving around in my belly, I am in awe that this little tiny person is being created inside of me. So unbelievable that God chose Nick and I to be parents to this little guy and he has been forming and creating him to be our son. It's kind of an overwhelming thought thinking that Nick and I are going to be responsible for another person and that God has given us the responsibility to teach him and grow him to be a man of integrity, that respects himself and others and has a fear of the Lord. Sometimes I feel ready and prepared to take on this huge responsibility and other days I feel like I am so inadequate and have no business raising a child. I guess it is just another reminder that I cannot do anything on my strength alone and that I am going to have to rely on God's strength to raise Parker.

I get so excited thinking about what color eyes he is going to have, what color hair, holding his little hands and feet, how much is he going to weigh, is he going to be tall, what is it going to feel like to hold my son for the first time....and these are just things I will discover about him in his first few minutes of life! I cannot wait to watch him grow and see his personality develop as he gets older, go watch his tee ball games and teach him to read. The list is endless about the things I cannot wait to find out about little Parker man. But I also get nervous thinking about all the things I cannot control and protect him from. What if he gets made fun of at school, what if he has some sort of health complication or learning disability, what is someone hurts him, what if I don't do enough early on to socialize him with other kids...is he going to have a hard time making friends. And the list could go on as well...but I am choosing to put these worries into God's hands, knowing that I have no control over those things. I am choosing to be positive and relish in the blessing that having a child is going to bring.

I am also really excited and nervous to see and watch Nick and my relationship develop. As soon as people find out you are pregnant, they always make comments like "Oh man, your life is about to completely change" and "You better spend time with your spouse now, because they will become a stranger once the baby comes". I always try and brush it off when others say these type of things because I know that life is about to change (hello...I am growing a person inside of me) and I know that the dynamics of Nick and my relationship will change since it will no longer be the two of us, but I feel like our love and relationship is going to be taken to a whole new level. This baby is going to be something we created together and watching the way Nick already loves this baby so much, makes me fall more in love with him. I know that life will get stressful, and tensions will be high when we are sleep deprived, but I also think we are going to have to rely on each other in new ways and loving this new baby will only make us love each other more. We have already spent a lot of time preparing to make sure we make each other a priority and that we make our marriage number one, and I cannot wait to watch the love of my life become a Dad and share his love with his son.
We are almost ready for his arrival and have all the material things we "need", but I still stress that we do not have everything he is going to need. I am constantly asking friends and reading blogs and websites about all the "necessary" items to have for a new baby. I know it is kind of a ridiculous fear, especially since Babies R Us and Target are right down the road. I will just send Nick or my mom on a little trip to the store if there is anything missing :)....but I think we are more than prepared and there will probably be so many things we have that Parker never even uses. I guess it is better to be prepared than not :)
So here we are 30 days away from his due date and I am beyond excited for this little miracle to make his way into the world....(hoping he comes a little early!!). So come on little Parker....your mom and dad are ready and waiting to see your beautiful face and hug and cuddle and kiss your little tiny body! Thank you Jesus for this miracle!

This is a preview pic of our maternity photo shoot that Nick and I did last week. I will be sure to post more as we get them :)